kyouyasangels_inc | Mission 1: Electric Bootyloo

Mission 1: Electric Bootyloo

[His ass still hurt from the goddamn 'physical'. Badou's rather convinced, deep in his soulful ass, that the crackpot their esteemed boss had hired was just some fucker practicing for his porn star exams. And unsurprisingly Kyouya rented out his and the newbie's asses for the sake of the American economy and education. Fucker's japanese, what the fuck does he care about Amuurica?! Probably stocks in Old Navy or some shit.

Speaking of the newbie...Hoestar and Badou are currently knees deep in the glory of their first mission together: retrieve a rare and extra expensive statue of the Egyptian cat goddess Bast and do a little snoopage on the fucktard smart enough to spirit it away from the owner. Someone clearly needs to beef up security, said thief has a body pillow of Nia-chan for fucks sake. Kyouya vehemently expressed, glasses glinting menacingly under the cheap ass fluorescent lighting, that if they didn't come back with the item and the info, their asses would be in the doctor's clutches once more. As ass grass that no, cannot be smoked. In so many words. Badou knew that look by now to properly interpret. He would have given Jojo the translated notes but it's every man for himself when it comes to the booty. So here they crouched in the dank, damp, and stanky alley behind one of the warehouses of their target, peering into the windows and trying to subtly pretend they're professionals whilst eating pork rinds and chips respectively during this stake out.

He hadn't spied the pussy they were after yet thus he was left to ponder upon the irony that is his life, locating various pussies for rich wigs, but regardless of that the information was good. A little drug dealing here, some embezzling there, a pinch of dominatrix routines involving being rolled up in newspaper and struck over yonder, nothing he hadn't seen before, or expected. There was plenty to snap with his camera.
Professionalism and not being a dumbasses was of the essence here and so far so good. Loathe as he was to admit it, it felt.....alright to have someone have his back again. The kid looked like a real ball tapper and cocky shit, but he trust....believed Kyouya's bullshit enough to know he wouldn't hire someone completely incompetent. It'd lower ratings.
As long as they didn't make a single peep, a single quip, one crunch, one fart. Everything would be fucking dandy.
Of course, Someone Up There likes to diarrhea all over Badou C. Nails' fate.]

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[ It had been three hours, three of the most boring hours of his life, hours he'd never get back. He let out an almost loud sigh and cracked his neck before returning to his stance which was sitting next to the hippie and stare at that fucking freak who wouldn't even notice he's being watched, he felt like throwing some of those pork rinds so he'd realise they're on to his stupid ass... What a waste, he'd figure the hippie would've jumped in by now. Speaking of which no matter how much Joseph didn't want to admit it but despite his weedy exterior he actually did look the part, he seemed at ease, almost nonchalant... which made Joseph feel a little out of place but also a tiny bit of relief.

No matter, he'd show him how to get things down the Joestar way! Which wasn't necessarily safe and could end up blowing up in his face while smokey mcsmoke over here would take all the credit and glasses would surely fire him...

For now he'd wait a little longer, see if things get spicy enough for him to make a move, he can't keep the act much longer and his butt was actually numb since that physical (which he totally had coming) but he was man enough to not shed a tear but overall he was pretty damn uncomfortable.

just a little bit longer... ]

[Badou slowly and cautiously removes a chip from the bag beside him, never taking his eye off the perps, and softly munches. He too was bored as fuck, but more than used to the dick hazardous hours of stake outs. The noise his companion made draws his gaze and he rolls his eye. The kid had to have been more as fuck by now. Even antsy. It took a lot of experience to get used to stake outs. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea. The kid didn't look to be Ants in His Pants level (surprise, surprise, the blow (.........) hard (......)) but it was only a matter of time. Honestly, kids these fucking days can't sit still for jackshit other than getting their dickey rides or playing videyagames. Putting the binoculars down, his hands rapidly sweep into the outlined and drilled into their newly and mournfully stretched asses the hand codes they had agreed upon before the mission. They were even flash cards and sock puppets.

Something along the lines of: see anything yet? No bling bling in sight but that fucker there's on the list. if your reamed ass is getting crusty no ones stopping you from going home, taking a dump, and going to sleep. Sick days start in hell

Of course, however Jojo interprets it also has the fate of their mission on the line. Good luck, Solid Snake.]

[ He watched Badou (he better get used to the name or he'd be stuck with 'eyepatch' forever) grab another oily chip with high reverence and his slow munching was driving Joseph insane. This would take forever if they didn't charge in and took what was theirs (kyouya's). Anyway he managed to mimic Badou's position so his ass wouldn't be bothering so much but it wasn't an easy task and the result wasn't nearly as satisfying, Badou was all bones and he could fit in a small cardboard box if he so intended but Joseph was three times as big and his ass needed three times more space so it was a never ending struggle between both buttcheeks. He might was well think of something to pass the time, maybe smalltalk? even though he hated it nothing was worse than small spaces, a half empty bag of chips and dead silence. ]

So you've been doing this for a long time or what?

[So Jojo has a fat ass, we're admitting that? I want it in writing. Badou eyes the other man shifting his ass around futility in an idle manner as he munches, fully expecting a goddamn yes sir no sir I'll get you a flask for the next one sir! What he gets is shitty stake out etiquette. His mouth drops open with horror, his ass twinges in time, and his head whips over to the window to check the status of their target. When it seemed they were oblivious, Badou flicks the other on the forehead none too gently and hisses softly] Were you dropped on your goddamn empty head as a wee babe of six feet tall? You don't flap your orangutang gums durin' stake outs! They're meant to be fuckin' quiet to sneak the cunt around!

[He gives Jojo one more look of consideration, like what the fuck kind of fresh meat cock hounding infant dumbass did Kyouya hire, before nodding] Knew you wouldn't remember the hand signs. His sock puppets were too creepy to absorb the lesson, even if they were seventy bucks and one hundred percent cotton. [He considers the question, thinks on giving some bullshit answer, then decides teamwork and honestly blah blah cocks blah]

I've been doin' this kinda shit since I was 'bout twelve or so. I can tell you haven't, plain as that crusty asscrack in there.

[ He has nice, round, MUSCULAR buttocks thank you very much.
So this is how it's gonna be huh? Eyepatch acting all high and mighty on his ass. Well if he didn't respect his sensei back in the day then he sure as hell wasn't gonna start now, especially when his senior just fucking FLICKED HIM but had to stay calm because he didn't want this operation to go to waste so fast. SO WHAT if he hated stake outs, he'd had more fun beating that asshole to a bloody pulp and delivering him to Boss so he could get paid and then go for an ice cold coca-cola that would certainly taste like heavens and beyond after only drinking warm kool-aid (don't ask) for about three and a half hours now... so what if he... decided to crank it up a notch?....

Badou's answer yanked him out of his wild imagination's claws and woah... that was not the answer he was expecting to hear from someone like him, he expected to hear fifteen or sixteen but that would explain why he's so skilled at eating chips while holding binoculars and scratching his ass... he did look oddly confident from the beginning. He wanted to ask but then decided against it, it seemed too soon to get THAT personal and he sure as hell didn't want to start talking about gay vampires and his grandpa's honeymoon. ] Jeez, must have sucked to do this as a kid...

[ He scratched his nose, knowing how he just turned this into a VERY uncomfortable stake out when he listened to the redhead munch for another twenty seconds without reminding Joseph what an idiot he was. ] So... when are we approaching this guy? Are we pulling the big guns or should I just knock his teeth out

[So his ass is fat and juicy, mouthwatering even. Same difference, orbital ass.
Kool-aid for three day-...he looks old enough to at least get a fake id, jesus h. christ
The gingershit was expecting the kid to bust a fuse and an anal wort, not change the subject. Huh. He must have a lot riding on this thing, and not just the diminishing tightness of his ass. Badou's hand returns to the chip bag idly, honest answers two for two] Eh, at first I just tagged along to annoy the shit out of this asshole. Most of the time I had to bail him out, so it was more blood pressure rocketin' than anything.

[But...stake outs sort of have a special place in his hear-...ass. And all that. Badou sighs through his nose sharply, aggravated, and answers slowly, as if to a small child] Not till we see that piece of shit pussy statue Kyouya wants. Three of his men ain't even accounted for, we'd be fucked dry if we go in there guns an totes blazing without locatin' those other douchebags. It's called plannin', kiddo. Take notes.

Edited 2013-06-14 00:37 (UTC)

[ It surprised him to hear something that wasn't an insult, order or a backhanded comment from Badou, which was a good thing, right? He wasn't too good at sharing or teamwork or stakeouts but somewhere in the back of his mind someone whispered 'it's okay, he's human' and it was just enough for Joseph to pay attention. ]

I see, well is a good thing to have you here, sempai because you might have to bail me more than once. [ He grinned, 80% mockery 20% a ridiculous attempt to smooth things over. Still, he knew it'll be a long way before he could find another... comrade, but a start it's as good as anything right now and even though he still felt like a million ants were crawling up his buttocks it felt good to have a little purpose back in his life. ]

What if I'm the bait? that way they'll get distracted and you'll get the statue before they catch me, IF they catch me.

[Badou shoots Jojo the most assholish mocking smile he can muster] Or I could just put you in a dumpster like our forefathers before us an blow this popsicle stand, kyoudai. 'm glad you finally fuckin' realize the professionalism we're gonna need here, since clearly you ain't got it. Leave it to the big boys, brah.

[Just. The loudest of sighs pops out of Badou's mouth. He even slaps a palm against his forehead, not too loud but just enough to get the point across how disgusted he is- does this guy think?? Does he at all?? He got a dickshooting death wish? He apprecia...ted? the attempt at brainwork but this just didn't do it.] You may be a cocky shit but I ain't puttin' your ass on the line like that if I don't gotta. It'd be four on one, an as much as these guys might be afraid of jocks on steroids, they're packin' more than your twelve pack. Back to the drawin' bored, tactful dong.

[ Tch... Badou obviously had some sort of long device logged up his butthole, because Joseph hadn't seen him so uptight until now, sure he was probably the bitchiest hippie Jojo had ever met but he thought he might at least give him enough consideration to voice his opinions without getting a snarky response, asshole. ]

What a load of crap, I could easily break in and take the lot before they can even touch me!

[ He could probably take 'em all down anyways, he just needed to get in there and do some damage, the statue was just there it wouldn't take more than a little strikes of hamon and the glass windows would colapse, he might turn the power off to gain time and distract the sons of bitches while he kicked their asses into submission! The only problem was... Well, Badou. He didn't know if he might try to stop Joseph, he had guns which might do some harm and he didn't enjoy the thought of something going inside his flesh... particularly not now. He should just wait for the perfect chance, when they run out of junk food seemed perfect since Badou was down three out of of four jumbo bags already. Yeah, he was gonna risk it, no pain no gain. ]

Edited 2013-07-19 23:33 (UTC)

[Badou audibly slaps a hand over his eye now, pinches the bridge of his nose and his shoulders slant as he exhales. Then he looks straight into Joseph's eyes, his expression grim to encompass the message through this kid's thick skull, dammit.]

Look asshole, I ain't doubting you can crush those sweaty mobster fucks' heads between your thunder thighs like grapes. I'm sure your mantits can even break someone's goddamn jaw. I'm sayin' you can't just fucking jump in there without all the pieces in place. You'll get your ass killed and frankly I don't fuckin want you haunting my ass on the shitter. [If Jojo's paying attention his expression might even look stricken, haunted. He's done watching people get in over their heads and get killed.

Besides, Kyouya would kick his ass if anything happened to the kid on his first day.]

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Mission 1: Electric Bootyloo

I LIIIIVE

BANZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI~

Re: BANZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI~

no subject

no subject

no subject

LET THE BONDING BEGIN

yessss~ let the beautimous gay- I mean totally manly straight bonding begin

badous butt is too small jojo would never tap that

SMALL!? HIS BOOTY IS JUICY YOU PIECE OF SHIT!! SO ARE YOU CALLING CAESAR'S ASS BIG?!