The Gingering (I am in misery, there ain't nobody who can cumfort me)

[notkinkypatch]

[Badou's voice is raspy-er than usual, not to mention its low, as if he's cupping the phone receiver closely to his mouth and talking with shit in said fat orangutan mouth at the same time. The hustle, bussle, and rabble rabble background noise filtering in from wherever he is certainly isn't helping get the point across either.]

Hey, I need you to do me a solid. No, not that kinda solid you brat, c'mon, don't let me rub off on you. Big girl panties time. QUIT PUTTIN SHIT IN MY MOUTH YOU SHIT! NOT LIKE THAT! I need you...to bring me-

Badou-san, give me your wallet.

[Badou's voice grows faint, his attention clearly on the asshole who wasn't taught proper phone etiquette. When mommy's on the phone you shut the fuck up] Can you get that the fuck away from me?! Why are you still even here? AN NO YOU AIN'T GETTIN MY FUCKING WALLET! YOU DID THIS TO ME YOU DILDO BUTTER!

Why else would I be here if not to watch you cry and be probed? The vending machines have reeses' pieces as well. My night has really turned out grand. Wouldn't you say, Badou-san?

[Badou regains control with a squawk and snarls into the phone] Get me some fuckin pants an my insurance card before I shove Rocky BullWeiner's head into the nearest old wrinkle-y nurse asshole and make a goddamn break for it.

[He sounds a little faint, like he's moved away and, yep, it's clear why when he shrieks] YEAH YOU HEARD ME YOU FUCK! FIRST OF ALL QUIT GROPIN BACK THERE, MY WALLET AIN'T IN MY ASSPOCKET! AN SECOND OF ALL, I'M GONNA SHOVE THOSE ANTENNAE ON YOUR STUPID SO FAR UP THAT NURSES' ASS IT'LL CREATE LARVA!

[There are sounds of a struggle, much grunting, and then another voice claims the phone] You'd best do as he says or else he might not find his other shanked kidney as humorous as I do.

Red for Kamui
Green for Badou

Comments

[witchplz]

[Rahzel initially panicked, worry clear in her tone (her blood pressure spiking to the point where expensive tea couldn't sooth it. He definitely owed her more tea, too) when Badou first called but now- now that she can hear him bitch and he's not wheezing or in a coma with his ass in the air in some ditch, she can take it down a few notches. The idiot. Making her totally NOT worry and mess up her hair. Blowing it dry without the frizz is incredibly difficult and takes expert precision, dammit.]

Oh, Shank-kun, what other sort of snacks are offered from the vending machines? I sure hope (for your bare asses sake) the cafe is open so I can get a muffin or something sweet, for such an unsweet inconvenience.

[Huff.] Badou, you better pray to Santa and Friedchickeniqua that rats haven't overrun your place. Or eaten this homework you need to get out of detention. I'll be there as soon as I can.

...There better be wifi too.

[passthefriedchicken]

[Ignoring the Bitching of Badou as he howls and yarls like a cat (to Badou's credit Kamui IS prodding his recently stitched Serious Wound), Kamui situates the phone more comfortably, his face completely devoid of worry or strife the bare necessities his asshole casual as fuck and occasionally munching whatever pudding he stole from comatose patients.]

Well Jailbait-chan, there are ho-ho's, ding dongs, pretzels, M&M's and various other healthy snacks for your thunder thighs sake. I believe the cafe is open quite late to cater to your wanderlust. [His voice softens as the conversation flickers back to Badou]

Hmm? What was that Badou-san? You're feeling dizzy? Perhaps you should sit down and think about your blood pressure. You look rather constipated as well.

[A few noisy chews later, Kamui addresses Rahzel again] Yes, you'd best hurry. Disapproving mothers and nurses both are targeting and firing upon Badou-san's rear. I didn't realize this was a religious hospital, what is a nun doing here? Cosplay?

[A whimpering Badou can be heard in the background as Kamui cheerily hangs up.] Don't misinterpret me, dickcheese, I said that better be a motherfucking gun or you're happy to see me, cause I'm gonna eat that fucking finger if you don't cut it out! SAVE ME FROM THIS COMMUNIST RAAAAAHHHZEEEEELLLL!

why is this so long holy fuck, stop overcompensating, self. you still got it.

[notkinkypatch]

[The sound of the phone slamming back into its home (and probably cracking a bit if the heavy sound and gasping nurses are any indication) and Kamui's luring of the nurses snaps Badou out of it.] In my country it's normal for crusty old bags to give charitable donations to handsome younguns. Why, what else do you have to live for? Your husbands drunken touch? Keep thinking your fifties are the new thirties till your grays fall out.

[Look whose joined the party-] What was that about hoes? They don't have that service here. Any hoes in the ER this late are most likely here cause they gnawed some guy's cock off an got it lodged down their throat. That's what they get for abandonin' their goddamn gag reflexes...dirty, dirty girls...

[Badou is clearly delirious. He ever so slowly straightens, a palm carefully at his back, and squints at Kamui's attempts in half interest. He just wants to go home, take a shit, smoke a cig and go to bed, dammit. But noooo.
So delirious in fact, it takes him a minute to notice the type of wooing stories Kamui was using to impress the nurses. His jaw drops.]

Badou-san was constipated for days on end, it was quite the struggle. We were all cheering for him, urging him on in his time of need, when all of a sudden with one great push he fell off the toilet- right onto a katana, from my home country. Why, all I could do was rush him here and in the chaos that followed I forgot to pull his pants up. [The little BASTARD FUCKHEAD was using those big blue watery eyes to moisten the panties of even the driest of nurses. Bless his heart, they croon, such a valiant little cousin!
Gritting his teeth and growling like a constipated bear, Badou marches up to Kamui and grabs him by the wrist, tugging him in the direction of his room.]

Now now lil cuz, you mustn't bother the delicious nurses! They have asses to sponge an you have a suppository to apply directly to your hiney! Plus I feel that La Hacienda comin up an I need you to talk to me. Your voice always makes me shit. [Badou's voice drips with warmth which doesn't match his positively malicious smile. The nurses cringe and shoot the duo sympathetic and disgusted looks in turn. Incest? In this day and age? Shame. They were always gay or incestuous fags.]