![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gorillatama posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
kyouyasangels_inc OOC INFORMATION
Player: Liz
Age: 22
Personal Journal:gingerfarts
Contact Info: Plurk or aim (HotIceRed)
IC INFORMATION
Characters Name: Isao Kondo
Age: "Almost 30" so probably 28 or 29 (though canonically everyone's forever young)
Canon: Gintama
Canon Point: Post Unsetting Moon arc (also known as Oh No Not The Longing, Star Crusted Old Lovers I'm Cry arc)(A.K.A the end of episode 261, or 9, of Gintama: Enchousen)
Species:Gorilla Human
Gender: Male
Orientation: Heterosexual. He's been stalking a hot blooded little filly since his debut and only has eyes for her (he can appreciate a hot bod though, of course) and as such he's kept his lazy eye on females only. Honestly, he'd be alright with a husband after getting used to it, however. Set up with a husband he would be awkward about it for about five minutes, scream about his 'betrothed' Otae-san and how he can't wear white to their wedding day, but he'd make the most of it. Probably even carry his husband across the threshold. His personality dictates banana mush brains when it comes to things that would normally make a straight man a little Concerned.
History: Like a good bunch of the cast, Kondo's past isn't focused on in depth. Yet. We know he was presumably born and raised in a little country samurai bumpkin village called Bushuu, where he went on to help teach young promising men swordsmenship in a dojo. He gained many comrades and made a family of the men he taught, and when the Amanto war was waged and the ol' country bumpkin samurai lost their privilege to their swords BY LAW, accepted the defeat and assimilation of their alien invaders, Kondo did something about it. He packed up his boys and went to Edo where he made a deal with the Bakufu; he submitted to their grueling rule, swallowed his pride, and formed the rowdy, yet efficient (ish...) Shinsengumi. He spends his days after all is said and done blowing up half the city, somehow triumphing through half botched rescues, fighting back to back with his beloved comrades, and stalking an 18 year old hottie that makes a habit of splitting his skull open in the name of love.
Appearance:
Personality: Kondo Isao is a very uncomplicated gorilla. He isn’t the sharpest crayon in the box, and that’s okay, he still gets screen time that way. He's fine with delegating some of the more strategic duties to the rest of his Shinsengumi. It’s actually more okay because he has the kind of magnet personality that draws all kinds of people to him. His easy going nature puts people at ease (or disturbs them when he's being idiotic or gross) and he easily makes friends and even his enemies don't quite know what to make of his bumbling casual friendly behavior. He's kindhearted to a fault, trusting to a fault that's actually been dangerous in the past; As in, one time one of his men who had returned to their ranks, Itou, had betrayed them deeply, sank into the seduction of power from one of their worst enemies, Shinsuke Takasugi and Kondo didn't see it or believe it or have an ounce of doubt in this man until his life and the disbandment of his men was on the line, not even when his second in command spoke up. He was so rankled by Hijikata, his 2nds, bizarre behavior, and Itou had cozied up to him so much that he doubted Hijikata and had no choice but to discipline him instead of seeing the dots of suspicion connecting. And even more so, he was willing to forgive their traitor and was even more willing to give up his life for the safety of his men, admitting how stupid he was for not trusting his second in command's instinct and wisdom. It's as if he has a really hard time seeing the bad in people.
His men call him the soul of the Shinsengumi for this and many more reasons, for if he wasn't there to hold them together, hadn't given them that reason to keep on fighting, well, we wouldn't have the Shinsengumi bangbang variety hour would we? He isn't one to hold grudges, except when his precious people are involved. His temper can flare, especially when it involves many of his running gags, but he can just as easily cast off the anger of it and start anew, laughing, even. Laughter and observations of a confusing manner come easily to him, as does misunderstanding and nudity. Seriously, there's a nip slip or ass slip from him at least once every episode he's in, if not that then his toilet humor really shines through. At one point he was semi-ashamed (or at least had the semblance of modesty on screen) of his nudity, but nowadays he's completely and unabashedly shameless, truly a creature to hold in high esteem. Seriously, he's one of the biggest contributors of nudity on the show, and though he's almost thirty years old, he poops himself several times during the series. Several. So many times.
Furthermore, when the credibility and inner conflict revolving around the (former) Shogun is put into question, instead of nodding and following orders mindlessly like a good little soldier, Kondo immediately speaks of the injustice of the conspiracy and though he sees his second in command's point (keeping quiet and following orders is all they can do, after all, this crumble-y, corrupt government is the only reason they can even pretend to be country boy samurai. Not to mention it's their job to defend Edo, not dabble in politics) he declares that if the Shinsengumi ignore what's in front of them, they are no better than the corrupt Bakufu, and he isn't interested in playing a bogus samurai that doesn't follow a code. And once he and the rest of his men eavesdropped like the naughty boys they are and heard the whole story of the Princess' 'Grampy' and the Shogun's involvement in the corruption, they put on all the airs of preparing traitorous criminals for their execution- but ultimately they do what is right in their hearts and suit them up to take down the evildoer. While Shit Goes Down, they provide back up and support of their Lord Shogun (the one with the soiled undies- but we don't talk about that) and loyally stand by with the full knowledge that getting the Bakufu back to its former, non corruption laced glory is going to be tough, and there's still much work to do, but they stick together and stick to the side of good and righteousness and, ultimately, what's right for the people as well.
When Kondo gets serious it means there is some Serious Shit going down. He's like a different man, and every inch the commander in chief he worked so hard to become; his orders are as sharp as his sword. Being the commander in chief of the Shinsengumi, directly under the clammy thumb of the corrupt government, one would think he’d use that authority to do what he wishes. No, Kondo doesn’t. He treats his fellow Shinsengumi like brothers in arms because they ARE his brothers in arms. There are countless times when he says something stupid and instead of holding their tongue like you would if your boss said something not too brilliant, his men call him out on it. They feel that close and trusting of him to treat him like that big goofy older brother or creepy uncle. (One particular time in the early episode days is when Otsuu-chan the idol was their commander for a day in order to save their unsalvageable reputation, his men were scrambling to get her autograph, he put his foot down, only to turn around and expose her autograph signed right there on his uniform. What did his men do? They beat his ass, like one would a close friend). At a point of tragedy for his youngest charge, when the emotions of his vice commander and 1st division captain are running high, he tells his 1st division captain that if he or the demon vice commander ever strayed, he'd punch him back to where he belongs, further solidifying the lengths he'd go to bring his friends, his men, back from the brink.
When he ran that little dojo in the old country, he and these men thrived as brothers. But in a time where the Amanto, the alien invaders, took over once the war was lost, there was no place for swords or samurai ethics. The only ones who could retain their swords were those who worked for the government. What Kondo did was step down as a simple country bumpkin and took on the mantle of a dog of the government, he was so selfless, that as long as he and his friends could still retain their swords, their tethering bond, he would be happy. So he’s happy to let his men shoulder some of the work, he’s never really been one for brains. As long as they’re happy, he’s happy. And in the end he got an even more important duty: saving people. Not just remaining a country samurai bumpkin, or a mindless zombie of the government, but doing good for the people. He takes to this job relentlessly. At one point in time he had to choose between listening to his superiors and allowing them to blast a monster out of the sky, a monster that had hostages, including a child. Despite the insistence of his boss, he refused, he begged and coaxed for five more minutes, knowing his ass would once again be on the frying pan. He outright refused to listen to the argument of the need of the many outweigh the needs of the few. When Otsuu-chan had been held hostage by terrorists and said terrorists demanded his subordinates listen to their orders and kill Kondo, he was ready to lay his life on the line. (Though it was a cop out, a very good trick). He tells his men to trample over his own dead body in order to protect what needs to be protected; the people.
On the other hand, he's just as stubborn and relentless at work and at love. Kondo is very much a stalker of one Shimura Tae; showing up wherever she goes, probably stealing underwear, asking her out every chance he gets. He is relentless in obtaining her love. This guy has literally been blown up and had his ass split open countless times, but he won't give up on Otae. When he first met her, he had been down on his luck (again, and additionally it was revealed in the episode following his debut, he has been flat out rejected multiple times by girls) and asks this beautiful elegant girl what she would do if her boyfriend had an assfro. The instant she told him she would love this boyfriend, assfro and all, he fell deeply in love. His comrades accepted him for him and what he wanted secondly was for a woman to love and accept him for all his quirks, and he mistakenly thought Otae had right then and there. Once he thought he found that he wouldn't let go of it easily. Not even in the face of Otae's colorful and vicious personality, which she fully unleashes upon Kondo with brutality and violence. (He eventually does get a date with her but it ends in complete and utter disaster).
On the other hand he can have a sweet side to it: the time Otae went off with her childhood friend Kyuubei, having every intention of fulfilling their childhood promise of marriage, he went after her not just to get on her good side. But because he didn't fancy seeing her unhappy. He wasn't satisfied with the way she said farewell to her loved ones, in tears, and if she truly was going to be happy with Kyuubei, he would have let her go and be happy.
So in short, he's a huge mondo dork. It's incredibly hard to take him seriously unless the situation is Dire As Hell. He's not the sharpest crayon in the box and isn't quick on the getgo, but he makes up for that in nudity and fighting spirit.
Abilities: Being the Commander of the Shinsengumi, he has vast amounts of experience with a sword and due to his co-running a dojo pre-canon, it's safe to say he has some experience with hand to hand combat as well. For such an extraordinary personality, he’s a decently ordinary kind of guy. Since he's serialized in JUMP one 'ability' to note is his ability to take a beating and still keep breathing. He's been blown up, throw out windows, throw into walls, flown through the air- you get the picture. In terms of strength, he beat one of the 4 Devas (the most highly skilled of the 4, in fact) of the Yagyuu clan, the Devas being highly skilled members of the clan.
Other:
His last sword was named Kotetsu-Z II
He loves baseball
His scientific classification is Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla
SAMPLES
First Person: [Sadists in denial and masochists in denial go hand in hand, don’t they? Otae looked so peaceful, to Kondo’s damn near brain damaged vision, and so happy that even through his agony he smiled stupidly and dribbled…oh was that blood? Internal bleeding? INTERNAL BLEEDING OF THEIR LOVE!
Ah but Otae had just inhaled deeply…was she alright or…OH…Kondo gave Otae a warm smile, a knowing glint in his eyes. Idiot.]
Otae-san there’s no need to be shy about farting in front of me, we’ve nibbled at the fruit of fate together, till gas do us never part our cheeks! Usually when I try to cover up my gas I clap really loudly or cough until it’s over. But your delicate and smooth butt could only produce freshly scented puffs of pixie dust that smell of honey dew! [What even was that…was honey dew milk a thing? What exactly kind of teats did that come from? Let’s not go there yet.
And okay so his hand was a little…damp, but that was sweat of joy because he was so happy to see her! There was no full on booger contact between the clammy hand clasping Otae’s and the gooey menaces. None at all.]
No need to be so concerned about him, he’s a man now, isn’t he? Us future family members have been looking out for each other.
[She uttered her brother’s name oh so sweetly that Kondo couldn’t help but be moved once again, eyes so adoring and full of warmth. Ah, the first thing she thinks of upon being tugged ruthlessly from her world is her younger brother, of course! Ahhh what a kind wife he had. If only he knew the pain in store for his brother in law. Naturally though he didn’t have time to think of his partner in glasses because at that moment Otae…she was smiiiiling at him. And he felt a very gooey, fuzzy and tight feeling in his chest and a goofy smile of his own joined hers and he had no fucking idea that a split second later he would be in tears.
CRACK went his fingers.] AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH OTAE-SAN, OTAE-SAN I UH, I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE HELD MY HAND A LITTLE TOO TIGHT, I-I-IF YOU’RE SCARED IT’S OKAY TO HOLD MY HAND B-B-BUT PLEASE NOT THAT HARD, WAIT TILL A ROMANTIC DATE AT A HAUNTED HOUSE RIDE. P-P-PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAASE MY HAND OTAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEE-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN YOUR EXPRESSION OF LOVE CAN ONLY MAKE ME IGNORE HOW MY FINGERS ARE CROOKED FOR SO LON-
IS THAT A BONE STICKING OUT? AHA…HAH…YOU’RE SO PASSIONATE…
[If he set out an SOS with some banana peels do you think anyone would notice? Does a Gorilla crap in a tree?]
But I’m really happy you’re so worried about me, Otae-san! But there’s no need to worry! Really. If we believe it’s a training mission then it really will feel like one eventually! [He could somehow smile through the thick tears in his eyes and voice.]
Third Person: Kondo being Kondo couldn’t simply sit around while his second in command and the rest of the newly Clusterfucked population went about bringing some good old fashioned 21st (relatively speaking) century whoop ass upon the land- not to mention all of the renovations and determination to make the best of things. And as it turned out he was happy enough to do the same; patrolling and attempting to solve minor disputes between the residents was a full time shit (read as: zero) paying job but somebody had to have their best interests in mind. Plus it semi kept him out of the trouble of too much time on his hands and headaches for his remaining comrades that even mayo or torture couldn’t relieve.
But all work and no play made the sometimes nicknamed Gorilla an overworked boy and alllll the determination and focus in the better known universe couldn’t put humpty together aga- er keep Kondo bound for long. So on a cool aftereven….mor- it’s a cave so time is relative, Kondo took the chance to expand his exploration on the reasoning that the bananas he had recently obtained were running out and also tasted kind of funky to even his expert tastebuds. That and all the jungle fever jokes, and finding a cave to search out hidden innuendos and metaphors in was a sure fire way to spend the day.
There he was, expert explorer for Mankind with his clothes streaked with dirt and a suspicious blue substance glowing in smears across his lips and chin, a hand dutifully clutching his jiblies for their own safety in this unknown world, and in his eyes burned the determination of a single (Virgo, likes long walks on the beach and Peace and bananas and holding hands) human being bent on a clear goal in mind.
“Gotta piss gotta piss gotta piss gotta piiiiiiiiiiisssssssssss….” His gait was that of a man who either had an enraged girlfriend/stalk-ee on his tail or a sale on the latest video equally on his tail if he in fact had a tail. Since this isn’t the case let’s just say the Pee Dance to the Nth power. Thus he shuffled to on stalagmite in particular and then there was the recognizable sound of a zipper being tugged into freedom and a liberating stream that unfortunately was interrupted by a voice shattering his pee……….ace
“W-WHAT?! YOU WHO’S…………THERE!? SHOW YOURSELF! I AM THE COMMANDER OF THE SHINSENGUMI AND I HAVE A……….well blue pee…dammit I got some on my shoe…S-SO I’M NOT AFRAID TO ARREST YOU!”
If you choose to accept this mission will you leave him hanging with literally his weewee hanging?
OTHER
Housing Request?: I'd like Kondo's kawaii wife to be Katsura Kotaro (keepcalmandbomb) i-if thats ok...
Did you read the rules & FAQ?: Yes, masters
Would you like your application to be unscreened?: Y
Player: Liz
Age: 22
Personal Journal:
gingerfartsContact Info: Plurk or aim (HotIceRed)
IC INFORMATION
Characters Name: Isao Kondo
Age: "Almost 30" so probably 28 or 29 (though canonically everyone's forever young)
Canon: Gintama
Canon Point: Post Unsetting Moon arc (also known as Oh No Not The Longing, Star Crusted Old Lovers I'm Cry arc)(A.K.A the end of episode 261, or 9, of Gintama: Enchousen)
Species:
Gender: Male
Orientation: Heterosexual. He's been stalking a hot blooded little filly since his debut and only has eyes for her (he can appreciate a hot bod though, of course) and as such he's kept his lazy eye on females only. Honestly, he'd be alright with a husband after getting used to it, however. Set up with a husband he would be awkward about it for about five minutes, scream about his 'betrothed' Otae-san and how he can't wear white to their wedding day, but he'd make the most of it. Probably even carry his husband across the threshold. His personality dictates banana mush brains when it comes to things that would normally make a straight man a little Concerned.
History: Like a good bunch of the cast, Kondo's past isn't focused on in depth. Yet. We know he was presumably born and raised in a little country samurai bumpkin village called Bushuu, where he went on to help teach young promising men swordsmenship in a dojo. He gained many comrades and made a family of the men he taught, and when the Amanto war was waged and the ol' country bumpkin samurai lost their privilege to their swords BY LAW, accepted the defeat and assimilation of their alien invaders, Kondo did something about it. He packed up his boys and went to Edo where he made a deal with the Bakufu; he submitted to their grueling rule, swallowed his pride, and formed the rowdy, yet efficient (ish...) Shinsengumi. He spends his days after all is said and done blowing up half the city, somehow triumphing through half botched rescues, fighting back to back with his beloved comrades, and stalking an 18 year old hottie that makes a habit of splitting his skull open in the name of love.
Appearance:
Personality: Kondo Isao is a very uncomplicated gorilla. He isn’t the sharpest crayon in the box, and that’s okay, he still gets screen time that way. He's fine with delegating some of the more strategic duties to the rest of his Shinsengumi. It’s actually more okay because he has the kind of magnet personality that draws all kinds of people to him. His easy going nature puts people at ease (or disturbs them when he's being idiotic or gross) and he easily makes friends and even his enemies don't quite know what to make of his bumbling casual friendly behavior. He's kindhearted to a fault, trusting to a fault that's actually been dangerous in the past; As in, one time one of his men who had returned to their ranks, Itou, had betrayed them deeply, sank into the seduction of power from one of their worst enemies, Shinsuke Takasugi and Kondo didn't see it or believe it or have an ounce of doubt in this man until his life and the disbandment of his men was on the line, not even when his second in command spoke up. He was so rankled by Hijikata, his 2nds, bizarre behavior, and Itou had cozied up to him so much that he doubted Hijikata and had no choice but to discipline him instead of seeing the dots of suspicion connecting. And even more so, he was willing to forgive their traitor and was even more willing to give up his life for the safety of his men, admitting how stupid he was for not trusting his second in command's instinct and wisdom. It's as if he has a really hard time seeing the bad in people.
His men call him the soul of the Shinsengumi for this and many more reasons, for if he wasn't there to hold them together, hadn't given them that reason to keep on fighting, well, we wouldn't have the Shinsengumi bangbang variety hour would we? He isn't one to hold grudges, except when his precious people are involved. His temper can flare, especially when it involves many of his running gags, but he can just as easily cast off the anger of it and start anew, laughing, even. Laughter and observations of a confusing manner come easily to him, as does misunderstanding and nudity. Seriously, there's a nip slip or ass slip from him at least once every episode he's in, if not that then his toilet humor really shines through. At one point he was semi-ashamed (or at least had the semblance of modesty on screen) of his nudity, but nowadays he's completely and unabashedly shameless, truly a creature to hold in high esteem. Seriously, he's one of the biggest contributors of nudity on the show, and though he's almost thirty years old, he poops himself several times during the series. Several. So many times.
Furthermore, when the credibility and inner conflict revolving around the (former) Shogun is put into question, instead of nodding and following orders mindlessly like a good little soldier, Kondo immediately speaks of the injustice of the conspiracy and though he sees his second in command's point (keeping quiet and following orders is all they can do, after all, this crumble-y, corrupt government is the only reason they can even pretend to be country boy samurai. Not to mention it's their job to defend Edo, not dabble in politics) he declares that if the Shinsengumi ignore what's in front of them, they are no better than the corrupt Bakufu, and he isn't interested in playing a bogus samurai that doesn't follow a code. And once he and the rest of his men eavesdropped like the naughty boys they are and heard the whole story of the Princess' 'Grampy' and the Shogun's involvement in the corruption, they put on all the airs of preparing traitorous criminals for their execution- but ultimately they do what is right in their hearts and suit them up to take down the evildoer. While Shit Goes Down, they provide back up and support of their Lord Shogun (the one with the soiled undies- but we don't talk about that) and loyally stand by with the full knowledge that getting the Bakufu back to its former, non corruption laced glory is going to be tough, and there's still much work to do, but they stick together and stick to the side of good and righteousness and, ultimately, what's right for the people as well.
When Kondo gets serious it means there is some Serious Shit going down. He's like a different man, and every inch the commander in chief he worked so hard to become; his orders are as sharp as his sword. Being the commander in chief of the Shinsengumi, directly under the clammy thumb of the corrupt government, one would think he’d use that authority to do what he wishes. No, Kondo doesn’t. He treats his fellow Shinsengumi like brothers in arms because they ARE his brothers in arms. There are countless times when he says something stupid and instead of holding their tongue like you would if your boss said something not too brilliant, his men call him out on it. They feel that close and trusting of him to treat him like that big goofy older brother or creepy uncle. (One particular time in the early episode days is when Otsuu-chan the idol was their commander for a day in order to save their unsalvageable reputation, his men were scrambling to get her autograph, he put his foot down, only to turn around and expose her autograph signed right there on his uniform. What did his men do? They beat his ass, like one would a close friend). At a point of tragedy for his youngest charge, when the emotions of his vice commander and 1st division captain are running high, he tells his 1st division captain that if he or the demon vice commander ever strayed, he'd punch him back to where he belongs, further solidifying the lengths he'd go to bring his friends, his men, back from the brink.
When he ran that little dojo in the old country, he and these men thrived as brothers. But in a time where the Amanto, the alien invaders, took over once the war was lost, there was no place for swords or samurai ethics. The only ones who could retain their swords were those who worked for the government. What Kondo did was step down as a simple country bumpkin and took on the mantle of a dog of the government, he was so selfless, that as long as he and his friends could still retain their swords, their tethering bond, he would be happy. So he’s happy to let his men shoulder some of the work, he’s never really been one for brains. As long as they’re happy, he’s happy. And in the end he got an even more important duty: saving people. Not just remaining a country samurai bumpkin, or a mindless zombie of the government, but doing good for the people. He takes to this job relentlessly. At one point in time he had to choose between listening to his superiors and allowing them to blast a monster out of the sky, a monster that had hostages, including a child. Despite the insistence of his boss, he refused, he begged and coaxed for five more minutes, knowing his ass would once again be on the frying pan. He outright refused to listen to the argument of the need of the many outweigh the needs of the few. When Otsuu-chan had been held hostage by terrorists and said terrorists demanded his subordinates listen to their orders and kill Kondo, he was ready to lay his life on the line. (Though it was a cop out, a very good trick). He tells his men to trample over his own dead body in order to protect what needs to be protected; the people.
On the other hand, he's just as stubborn and relentless at work and at love. Kondo is very much a stalker of one Shimura Tae; showing up wherever she goes, probably stealing underwear, asking her out every chance he gets. He is relentless in obtaining her love. This guy has literally been blown up and had his ass split open countless times, but he won't give up on Otae. When he first met her, he had been down on his luck (again, and additionally it was revealed in the episode following his debut, he has been flat out rejected multiple times by girls) and asks this beautiful elegant girl what she would do if her boyfriend had an assfro. The instant she told him she would love this boyfriend, assfro and all, he fell deeply in love. His comrades accepted him for him and what he wanted secondly was for a woman to love and accept him for all his quirks, and he mistakenly thought Otae had right then and there. Once he thought he found that he wouldn't let go of it easily. Not even in the face of Otae's colorful and vicious personality, which she fully unleashes upon Kondo with brutality and violence. (He eventually does get a date with her but it ends in complete and utter disaster).
On the other hand he can have a sweet side to it: the time Otae went off with her childhood friend Kyuubei, having every intention of fulfilling their childhood promise of marriage, he went after her not just to get on her good side. But because he didn't fancy seeing her unhappy. He wasn't satisfied with the way she said farewell to her loved ones, in tears, and if she truly was going to be happy with Kyuubei, he would have let her go and be happy.
So in short, he's a huge mondo dork. It's incredibly hard to take him seriously unless the situation is Dire As Hell. He's not the sharpest crayon in the box and isn't quick on the getgo, but he makes up for that in nudity and fighting spirit.
Abilities: Being the Commander of the Shinsengumi, he has vast amounts of experience with a sword and due to his co-running a dojo pre-canon, it's safe to say he has some experience with hand to hand combat as well. For such an extraordinary personality, he’s a decently ordinary kind of guy. Since he's serialized in JUMP one 'ability' to note is his ability to take a beating and still keep breathing. He's been blown up, throw out windows, throw into walls, flown through the air- you get the picture. In terms of strength, he beat one of the 4 Devas (the most highly skilled of the 4, in fact) of the Yagyuu clan, the Devas being highly skilled members of the clan.
Other:
His last sword was named Kotetsu-Z II
He loves baseball
His scientific classification is Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla
SAMPLES
First Person: [Sadists in denial and masochists in denial go hand in hand, don’t they? Otae looked so peaceful, to Kondo’s damn near brain damaged vision, and so happy that even through his agony he smiled stupidly and dribbled…oh was that blood? Internal bleeding? INTERNAL BLEEDING OF THEIR LOVE!
Ah but Otae had just inhaled deeply…was she alright or…OH…Kondo gave Otae a warm smile, a knowing glint in his eyes. Idiot.]
Otae-san there’s no need to be shy about farting in front of me, we’ve nibbled at the fruit of fate together, till gas do us never part our cheeks! Usually when I try to cover up my gas I clap really loudly or cough until it’s over. But your delicate and smooth butt could only produce freshly scented puffs of pixie dust that smell of honey dew! [What even was that…was honey dew milk a thing? What exactly kind of teats did that come from? Let’s not go there yet.
And okay so his hand was a little…damp, but that was sweat of joy because he was so happy to see her! There was no full on booger contact between the clammy hand clasping Otae’s and the gooey menaces. None at all.]
No need to be so concerned about him, he’s a man now, isn’t he? Us future family members have been looking out for each other.
[She uttered her brother’s name oh so sweetly that Kondo couldn’t help but be moved once again, eyes so adoring and full of warmth. Ah, the first thing she thinks of upon being tugged ruthlessly from her world is her younger brother, of course! Ahhh what a kind wife he had. If only he knew the pain in store for his brother in law. Naturally though he didn’t have time to think of his partner in glasses because at that moment Otae…she was smiiiiling at him. And he felt a very gooey, fuzzy and tight feeling in his chest and a goofy smile of his own joined hers and he had no fucking idea that a split second later he would be in tears.
CRACK went his fingers.] AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH OTAE-SAN, OTAE-SAN I UH, I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE HELD MY HAND A LITTLE TOO TIGHT, I-I-IF YOU’RE SCARED IT’S OKAY TO HOLD MY HAND B-B-BUT PLEASE NOT THAT HARD, WAIT TILL A ROMANTIC DATE AT A HAUNTED HOUSE RIDE. P-P-PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAASE MY HAND OTAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEE-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN YOUR EXPRESSION OF LOVE CAN ONLY MAKE ME IGNORE HOW MY FINGERS ARE CROOKED FOR SO LON-
IS THAT A BONE STICKING OUT? AHA…HAH…YOU’RE SO PASSIONATE…
[If he set out an SOS with some banana peels do you think anyone would notice? Does a Gorilla crap in a tree?]
But I’m really happy you’re so worried about me, Otae-san! But there’s no need to worry! Really. If we believe it’s a training mission then it really will feel like one eventually! [He could somehow smile through the thick tears in his eyes and voice.]
Third Person: Kondo being Kondo couldn’t simply sit around while his second in command and the rest of the newly Clusterfucked population went about bringing some good old fashioned 21st (relatively speaking) century whoop ass upon the land- not to mention all of the renovations and determination to make the best of things. And as it turned out he was happy enough to do the same; patrolling and attempting to solve minor disputes between the residents was a full time shit (read as: zero) paying job but somebody had to have their best interests in mind. Plus it semi kept him out of the trouble of too much time on his hands and headaches for his remaining comrades that even mayo or torture couldn’t relieve.
But all work and no play made the sometimes nicknamed Gorilla an overworked boy and alllll the determination and focus in the better known universe couldn’t put humpty together aga- er keep Kondo bound for long. So on a cool aftereven….mor- it’s a cave so time is relative, Kondo took the chance to expand his exploration on the reasoning that the bananas he had recently obtained were running out and also tasted kind of funky to even his expert tastebuds. That and all the jungle fever jokes, and finding a cave to search out hidden innuendos and metaphors in was a sure fire way to spend the day.
There he was, expert explorer for Mankind with his clothes streaked with dirt and a suspicious blue substance glowing in smears across his lips and chin, a hand dutifully clutching his jiblies for their own safety in this unknown world, and in his eyes burned the determination of a single (Virgo, likes long walks on the beach and Peace and bananas and holding hands) human being bent on a clear goal in mind.
“Gotta piss gotta piss gotta piss gotta piiiiiiiiiiisssssssssss….” His gait was that of a man who either had an enraged girlfriend/stalk-ee on his tail or a sale on the latest video equally on his tail if he in fact had a tail. Since this isn’t the case let’s just say the Pee Dance to the Nth power. Thus he shuffled to on stalagmite in particular and then there was the recognizable sound of a zipper being tugged into freedom and a liberating stream that unfortunately was interrupted by a voice shattering his pee……….ace
“W-WHAT?! YOU WHO’S…………THERE!? SHOW YOURSELF! I AM THE COMMANDER OF THE SHINSENGUMI AND I HAVE A……….well blue pee…dammit I got some on my shoe…S-SO I’M NOT AFRAID TO ARREST YOU!”
If you choose to accept this mission will you leave him hanging with literally his weewee hanging?
OTHER
Housing Request?: I'd like Kondo's kawaii wife to be Katsura Kotaro (keepcalmandbomb) i-if thats ok...
Did you read the rules & FAQ?: Yes, masters
Would you like your application to be unscreened?: Y